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Disorderly Content

Domestic Silence

In every county jail in most mid-size American towns, there is a wing on the bottom floor, near the boiler and the loading dock, and someone has stenciled its name onto the cinderblock in block capitals: SHU. Special Housing Unit. Nobody says the words. They say the SHU. Ten cells run down one side of the hall, ISO 1 through ISO 10, each built for a single body—a bunk, a sink, a toilet, a door with a number and a slot to look through. On the other side of the hall is the room with no number. It...
Disorderly Content

Why We Can't Let Go and What Finally Helps

A cat falls out of a tree and survives—because it doesn’t argue with gravity.It doesn’t hold a committee meeting. It doesn’t launch a strategic plan. It doesn’t begin bargaining with reality halfway down.It lets go.The cat relaxes into what is already happening.And, guess what?The cat does not survive by going limp.It survives by reaching a point.A falling cat accelerates and accelerates. Then, somewhere around five stories down, it stops accelerating.It hits terminal velocity.That small body, a...
Disorderly Content

The Old Timer’s Olive Branch

I planned this piece as an excerpt of the memoir.The one that’s available for pre-order. That I’d really like you to pre-order. That I know you want to pre-order but might not want me to know you want to pre-order.Yeah. I said it.In AA they’d call that taking someone’s inventory. Telling their story for them, off knowledge that’s limited by design. Beca…

I planned this piece as an excerpt of the memoir.

The one that’s available for pre-order. That I’d really like you to pre-order. That I know...
Disorderly Content

Magnetoreception & The Lost Human Compass

The question is not whether consciousness is embodied.That much is obvious.The question is whether it was once more continuous than it is now allowed to be.Less interrupted.Less abstracted.Less trapped inside interpretive systems that arrive after perception and quietly overwrite it.Or more precisely: whether human awareness once moved in closer agreement with orientation, instinct, rhythm, and environmental coherence than modern civilization can currently support without distortion.Somewhere be...
Disorderly Content

Getting Better at Becoming

There is a particular kind of exhaustion that comes from watching yourself participate in your own diminishment while remaining intelligent enough to narrate it in real time.Most people know this feeling, though they describe it differently. In Buddhist philosophy, the “hungry ghost” represents a state of perpetual craving: a being with an enormous appetite and no capacity to feel full. Neuroscience frames the same phenomenon less spiritually and more mechanically. The brain, in its efficiency,...
Disorderly Content

God Was Flirting Today

My friend attends weekly Bible study and comes to my house for a tarot reading. She doesn't flinch at the contradiction and neither do I. I shuffle. I lay her spread. Tonight, I told her what I saw, which was a woman pressed up against her own bank account like it was a door she’d forgotten wasn’t locked. Scarcity—the kind single mothers know by first name.I told her praying and casting spells are the same damn thing. You speak into the dark and ask it to move. The dark doesn’t care what you cal...
Disorderly Content

Drop In

The first time we tried skating, Wendell was four. His father and I—hopelessly optimistic, briefly solvent thanks to a 2020 stimulus check—spent $300 on a custom setup. Deck, trucks, bearings, wheels. We bought the identity before he had the body for it.There was no skatepark. Just a steep hill outside our house and two adults performing confidence. His…

The first time we tried skating, Wendell was four. His father and I—hopelessly optimistic, briefly solvent thanks to a 2020 stimulus check—spe...
Disorderly Content

The Bible of the Powerless

The first parent I met at my son’s elementary school, who didn’t make me feel like an interloper, once worked as a correctional officer in a South Carolina jail.The school sits in a neighborhood that didn’t always signal upward mobility. Her father bought property there more than fifty years ago—before rising values and zoning patterns turned certain ad…

The first parent I met at my son’s elementary school, who didn’t make me feel like an interloper, once worked as a correctional officer in a S...
Disorderly Content

We're All David Lynch, We're Just Too Afraid to Say So

David Lynch's death doesn't matter, and that's what makes it worth remembering.We always post about people when they die—mostly celebrities we didn't know, often our friends—and it always says something like "he was such a good person, would've given you the shirt off his back, would've given you his last dollar." But he's dead and you didn't know him a…

David Lynch's death doesn't matter, and that's what makes it worth remembering.

We always post about people when they die—mostly celebrities...
Disorderly Content

The Last Animal Standing

Humans are the only species self-congratulatory enough to crown themselves the “fittest,” while behaving like the least prepared organism in the ecosystem. We have abstract thought, symbolic language, self-awareness, internal narration, mythic imag…

Humans are the only species self-congratulatory enough to crown themselves the “fittest,” while behaving like the least prepared organism in the ecosystem.

We have abstract thought, symbolic language, self-awareness, internal narration, mythic imag...
Disorderly Content

The Art of Letting God

“The eye with which I see God is the same eye with which God sees me.” There’s a point in every seeker’s evolution where devotion starts to look a little like micromanagement. You meditate harder, breathe deeper, manifest louder—then wonder why …

“The eye with which I see God is the same eye with which God sees me.”

“The eye with which I see God is the same eye with which God sees me.”

There’s a point in every seeker’s evolution where devotion starts to look a little like micromanagement.

Yo...
Disorderly Content

Sliding the Grid of Reality

I used to love that old show Quantum Leap.A scientist flung through spacetime, waking up in other people’s bodies, each week a new mission to “put right what once went wrong.” It was campy, moral, strangely moving. What always got me wasn’t the premise of time travel—it was the feeling that he was sliding across something…

I used to love that old show Quantum Leap.

A scientist flung through spacetime, waking up in other people’s bodies, each week a new mission to “put right what once went wron...

Truth, Contradiction, and the Human Design

I sometimes joke that humanity lost its power when technology caught up with free will. But in truth, we surrendered that power—willingly—in pursuit of more: more progress, more control, more dominion. The paradox is that our precious free will, that hallmark of humanness, exists in tension with an older law, an ancient order embedded in our biology. Most people don’t reflect on the cellular intelligence woven into our being. Yet, like all life forms dependent on homeostasis—from trees to clouds to insects—we are walking toward extinction. And if that sounds dramatic, consider this: we are all, undeniably, living to die.
Dailystar.co.uk

Drug addict mum who went to first AA meeting aged 9 looks so different sober

A recovering addict who went to her first AA meeting aged nine says she tried every drug on the market by the time she was 13.

Ashley Carter Cash, 38, had a mum who was dependent on crack cocaine and an alcoholic dad.

Her parents divorced when she was 12 and afterwards she lived with her mum.

READ MORE: Mum whose booze addiction turned eyes yellow unrecognisable after going sober

A young Ashley hoped to save her “from the demons that drove her to drugs” but unfortunately she “fell into the t
Hello Diary

An Open Letter to My Husband & the Woman He Fell in Love With

“It's too soon to write about this. The wound is so fresh it's oozing. But I don't see any other options in this landscape. I want to call on my best friend for a shoulder to cry on. But I can't go to him. He's front and center of the dilemma, right along with me. Except, for the first time since I became his wife—seven years, three weeks, and one day—we've entered a battle we cannot fight together. I am alone. He is alone. I am awake. He is asleep. He's in love with someone else.”
#parentingSLACKS

Vol. 8: Emotional Sobriety

"Although coined by Bill W., co-founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, the term "emotional sobriety" applies to anyone with a sympathetic nervous system, regardless of whether you're afflicted with addiction. Emotional sobriety is a body/mind phenomenon. It encompasses the ability to experience and talk about feelings alongside learning to live life in balanced ways so that both the mind and the body can live in harmony. As we sober up emotionally, we expand our ability to tolerate what we're feeling, to live through fierce emotions without acting out or self-medicating."
Disorderly Content

That Time I Was a Child Bride…

“Twice, I was a wife. Well, one of the two was legally binding, anyway. Ironically enough, the first was both illicit and the most ceremonious and expensive. The time I married my brother's step-kid after roommates turned bedmates, there was no requirement for signed parental permission when applying for the official marriage license. Although, there ought to been; let's be honest! No guests were in attendance for that one, and there was no dress; just him and me, my seven-month-pregnant belly…”
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